As many of you may have surmised by now, Sharky's sudden sobriety was doomed to only last for so long. This afternoon, Sharky's Press Agent released the following statement.
"After drinking alcohol and ingesting massive illegal chemical substances on Tuesday night, Captain Sharky did a number of things that were very wrong and for which he is deeply ashamed. Captain Sharky drove a car when he should not have, and was stopped by the County sheriffs. Inside the car, arresting officers found several transvestite midgets and blow up dolls, several kilos of assorted recreational drugs, bananas, hairbrushes, and a Silverback Ape from the local zoo. Captain Sharky has repeatedly stated that the arresting officer was "just doing his job," and he "feels fortunate that he was apprehended before he caused injury to another person, animal or vinyl doll." Captain Sharky stated while in the pokey, "I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my fellow employees at Hospital World with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled the disease of alcoholism and drug abuse for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health."
At press time, Captain Sharky remains in the County Jail under $100,000 bond.
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