Dear EEOC

August 3, 2007

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
207 S. Houston Street
Dallas Texas 75202

Dear Sir or Madam:

I have applied for employment at a local Hospital and have been sent a pre-employment examination that I must complete successfully before they will offer me employment. The questions are as follows:

1. What is the structural formula for 1-chloro-1cyclobutyl-4, 4-diethylcycloheptane?

2. What is the difference between vector and scalar quantities?

3. Is it OK for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?

4. Would a fly without wings be called a "walk?"

5. After eating, do amphibians have to wait 1 hour before getting out of the water?

6. Are you breaking the law if you drive past those signs that say "Do Not Pass?"

7. How can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

8. What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

9. Why is a bra singular and panties pleural?


I have no problems answering organic chemistry or quantum mechanics questions, but I am certain that I am enduring emotional pain and suffering - the last question is clearly sexual harassment - how the hell did they know that I like to wear women's panties? Can I sue these people if they don't hire me and get something like disability, or food stamps or something? I really need a "Plan B."

Very Truly Yours,

Captain Sharky