August 19, 2007
TO: Jane Smith, CEO
CC: Buckethead, CFO
FROM: Captain Sharky, Chief of Compliance
I understand that you have 2 positions posted in Human Resources, one for a Janitor and one for a Director of Human Resources. I believe that I have 2 contacts who are more than qualified for these positions.
Human Resources Director: I would like to recommend my friend Touchy-Feely Guy for this position. Touchy-Feely Guy has been in Human Resources for over 1 year and has held Director of Human Resources positions in over 12 organizations. I like the way he sometimes caresses me behind the ear, but that level of contact is not for everyone. But I'm not gay or anything. I like girls - ALOT. Sometimes it just feels good to be needed. I'm just human. But I'm not gay like that Russell guy I keep hearing about. He sometimes stands in my office doorway and just stares at me. He did it today, and I still had a fairly fresh pile of poo in the wastebasket from the attack upon my desk last evening. Russell just stood there and stared. I asked "Hey, Russell, smell something?" And he just stood there and smiled. I guess some people's freak flags fly high, and some not so high. But I'm not gay, mind you. I just want to be clear that I like girls, although they are typically girls of ill repute.
Janitor: Inigo Montoya can clean stuff. He has had recent tragedy in his life but now seems focused and on a mission.
I'm sure that both Touchy-Feely Guy and Inigo Montoya would be excellent additions to the Hospital World team.
On another note, I would like to request a day off on Monday. My friend Javier just muled over a solid kilo of columbian powder that will make steam blow out of your ears. I'm not like an addict or anything, and I'm not gay either.
Also, a death card is about to be laid upon a Hospital World employee's simple behind. Just thought you guys should know that you will be bathing in Cheetos again soon.
-Captain Sharky
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1 comment:
Capt. Sharky,
Please ask your friend Mr. Montoyo to come in right away for an interview. The Cheeto powder is starting to stain the walls and the floor in the ladies bathroom (don't ask). We need a janitor in the worst way.
We currently have an HR director but she's been missing for quite some time. If she doesn't show up soon then that position will be open. If Mr. Touchy Feely would be interested in other positions within the hospital we currently have the following available:
1. Employee Health/Infection Control Director.
2. Plant Operations Supervisor
3. Chief Operations Officer
4. Director of Case Management
Please let me know if Mr. Touchy Feely would be interested in any of those available positions.
Thank you for the referrals.
Jane
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